Youngsters raised in some form of "joint custody" -- a shared-parenting option for divorcing parents -- fare better than those brought up in the sole custody of one parent, according to an article in the Journal of Family Psychology released Sunday.

In fact, these youngsters are nearly indistinguishable from those raised at home by still-married parents, according to the compilation of 33 custody studies of about 3,000 youngsters during the past two decades.

In fundamental measures of healthy adjustment -- emotions, school work, self-image and family relationships -- joint-custody youngsters as a group looked as strong as "intact-family" youngsters, psychologist Robert Bauserman, at the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, concluded in the article.

The benefits held even when one parent did little more than weigh in on big decisions such as medical care and choice of schools.

"Joint custody looks beneficial for children of divorced families in a very wide range of emotional and behavioral adjustments," Bauserman said in a recent interview, "because for the child it reflects at least some continuing contact with each parent."

Several attorneys, psychologists and sociologists generally agreed with Bauserman's conclusions. Their biggest concern was that he lumped together all forms of joint custody -- which can range from rare visits to a 50-50 split in each parent's time and influence with a child -- arguing that some versions actually hurt children.

Also, some challenged the notion that, overall, divorce doesn't set youngsters back.

Bauserman agreed that when counting all children, the divorced group suffers. But when comparing just those in joint custody with those in intact families, he found "practically zero difference.

"This is an empirical question, not something we have to toss around opinions about," he said. "It's something we can research, and all I'm doing is pulling that research together."

Shared love, shared time

Jed Holzapfel and Martha Coventry in Minneapolis have shared raising their daughters since the couple divorced about 10 years ago.

"Joint custody seemed the most fair for them, and for us, because both of us love our children very much," Holzapfel said.

After experimenting with several schedules, the two households decided that alternating weeks with the girls kept everyone in close contact, "without too much to-ing and fro-ing," Coventry said.

It helps that the two households are only six blocks apart, Holzapfel said. But the proximity is no coincidence.

"If I'd moved to Bloomington, that would have changed everything," he said. "I think people minimize the logistics in this."

Their older daughter, Elizabeth Holzapfel, has since gone away to college. Sally Holzapfel, 16, is a sophomore at Southwest High School.

"I like the way it has turned out for me," she said. "You can only have one dad, and you can only have one mom, and to not have much time with one of them, I wouldn't like that."

Sally has her own room, her own stereo and her own desk at each house. "My parents really support my feeling comfortable at both houses," she said.

And every now and then, her parents will meet at a coffee house to confer on one daughter's choice of college or another's math grades.

"Sometimes my stepmom [Liz Holzapfel] goes, too," Sally said. "She's really cool."

"We started out together, we're still in this together, and we will always be in this together, even though our circumstances have changed," Coventry said. "That is just a fact."

Some limitations

There are three basic kinds of custody. Experts say that for years, most courts awarded sole custody to one parent -- usually the mother -- and visitation rights to the other. Recently, joint legal custody -- the child lives with only one parent, but the other has a say in big decisions such as schools and medical care -- has become common. Only 20 percent of divorcing couples are awarded joint physical custody -- where the child lives part time with each parent.

Families with shared physical custody generally look one of two ways, according to Margorie Engel in Boston, president of SAA Families, formerly Stepfamily Association of America.

Some couples "co-parent," which means they continue to make parenting decisions together, Engel said. Couples who can't agree are likely to "parallel parent," she said, which means they're both in charge of their separate times with the children.

Paul Amato, sociology professor at Penn State University in State College, Penn., said joint physical custody can hurt children if a judge unilaterally orders it. SO DOESN'T THAT MEAN ALSO THAT A CHILD CAN ALSO BE HURT BY UNILATERALLY ORDING THAT ONE PARENT BE DIMINISHED AS A NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT?

"If the parents are still hostile, the custody arrangement just exacerbates their continuing tension," Amato said. "I think the conclusions in the [Bauserman] report are good, and there's no reason to restrict joint physical custody. In fact, it's the best possible outcome for children. But never impose it against the parents' will."   THIS IS NOT WELL THOUGHT OUT.   THEY ARE SAYING IT IS BETTER TO FORCE UNFAIRNESS AGAINST ONE PARENTS WILL (INSERT NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT) THAN TO FORCE FAIRNESS AGAINST THE OTHER PARENTS WILL (INSERT CUSTODIAL PARENT) .

From a lawyer's perspective, a 50-50 split is "a recipe for failure," said J. Lindsey Short in Houston, president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.  OF COURSE, A LAWYER WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO FIGHT OVER!  HENCE NO PROFIT MARGIN.  THINK ABOUT IT THE ACADAMEY OF MATRIMONIAL LAWYERS PROTECTING THE GRAVY TRAIN.

"Divorcing couples come to me with extra-marital situations, money problems, you know, your typical sort of deal," Short said. "My experience has been that most adults can work out most things, but some of the most critical things they cannot. That's one of the reasons they got a divorce. And that's why there has to be a tie-breaker."

St. Louis Park therapist Mab Nulty said the strength of youngsters in joint custody doesn't surprise her, partly because intact families don't escape problems, either.

"There's plenty of conflict between parents in marriages, and the top three are sex, finances and parenting," Nulty said. "There's plenty of weird stuff going on in intact families."

-- H.J. Cummins is at hcummins@startribune.com .